Trading Mom Guilt for God’s Grace

As broken people living in a fallen world we all struggle with feelings of failure and inadequacy in some form or another. What we often fail to see is that our imperfections and limitations— our “mom guilt” is exactly what points us to the heart of our Creator.

Our home is conveniently located on a corner lot across the street from a lovely greenspace park. A corner lot is perfect for greeting neighbors on evening strolls. A few years ago my then four year old son (who just so happens to have ADHD) discovered that living on a corner lot is also perfect for something else…

It was a warm summer’s evening and I was preparing dinner and multitasking in the kitchen while he played on the deck and shot some hoops. Between the window over the kitchen sink and our sliding screen door I could see or hear him at all times and assumed all was well.

All of a sudden I heard a soft chuckle that eventually turned into full on deep belly laughter…

As I stepped outside to see what was bringing my little man so much joy I was horrified to see that he had turned on our garden hose and was spraying passersby as they walked along our sidewalk!

I apologized profusely to the wet family starting back at me, but if the looks on their faces were any indication of what was taking place inside of their hearts, my apology was likely rejected.

A mom fail at its finest.

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How To Deal With Mom Guilt

Although I’d prefer for these feelings of failure in my parenting journey to be few and far between, the truth is that I often struggle with mom guilt in some form or another on a near daily basis.

I feel like a failure when my children squabble and aren’t best friends at all hours of the day.

I feel like a failure when I lose my patience with them and raise my voice a decibel higher than I should have.

I feel like a failure when all the other homeschool families effortlessly float through their school days while my son lies on the floor complaining that “we just went over this yesterday and it’s just too hard”.

Maybe it is my perfectionist tendencies or strong will and determination that taint reality and achievable expectations.

Or maybe it is simply because I’ve always struggled to grasp God’s grace.

Whatever the root cause of my mom guilt, I am grateful that we serve a gracious God who lovingly reminds us that guilt and shame are never from Him.

Yes, He will absolutely convict our hearts when we’re in the wrong, and He may even test us at times. However, I can confidently say that it is never His desire for His children to be consumed with feelings of failure and stay stuck in an unhealthy cycle of shame.

Shame is from our enemy who will do everything in his power to render us ineffective and unfruitful in our walk with Christ.

In the midst of our darkest failures our Heavenly Father extends a hand of grace to lovingly pick us up and set us back on our feet. There can most certainly be consequences when we’re in direct disobedience to His Word, but there’s also forgiveness and restoration when we seek it with a repentant heart.

1. Dig in to Scripture to Learn About the Character of God

So how exactly do we overcome mom guilt and learn to rest in God’s grace? As we seek to navigate feelings of failure in our parenting efforts it is vital for us to, first and foremost, dive into God’s Word. We are living in a world of darkness that will do everything in its power to hide the light. It’s up to us to intentionally pursue our Creator in response to His ever patient pursuit of us.

I’d like to encourage and challenge you to read straight through the Bible if you’ve never done so. You will discover that it is ultimately a beautiful love story about a depraved people in desperate need of a Savior and a merciful God who stepped down from glory to rescue and redeem.

When we shift our gaze to the character of God— His faithfulness, holiness, righteousness, and steadfast love, we will naturally focus less on ourselves (including our failures) which brings about a sweet peace and contentment in the midst of life’s struggles.

Related: 6 BENEFITS OF BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT PARENTING?

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

This one may seem rather obvious, but is still worth stating. Sweet friend, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. Those “highlight reels” we’re constantly scrolling through are tiny glimpses of only the very best moments in the life of another sinner who struggles just like you and I. Although her Instagram feed is flooded with photographs communicating she has it all together, she doesn’t. She is a broken sinner in need of a Savior just like the rest of us.

We all miss the mark. That is the whole point of the gospel.

Instead of focusing inward and dwelling on all of our faults, and then looking outward at everyone else’s perceived strengths, we need to start pressing into the heart of our Creator. His opinion of us—shortcomings and all is all that truly matters.

And He says that those failures, flaws, and even outright rebellion were worth dying for.

3. Remember Your Mission

As busy moms it is all too easy to get wrapped up in a million tiny things that hold little value and neglect our true mission. God hasn’t called us to be perfect moms raising perfect children. He hasn’t called us to perfection in any sense of the word— which by default means that we will fail.

God knew that we could never keep His perfect, holy, standard which is the very reason that Jesus offered Himself as perfection in our place.

As parents God has called us to love, nourish, protect, lead, guide, correct, and discipline these sweet blessings He’s entrusted into our care day after day. He’s called us to pour truths into their hearts and minds as we share the hope of Jesus with them and His precious gift of mercy and grace.

When our mindset shifts from craving an appearance of perfection to the reality that we are broken people in desperate need of His perfection, He can finally begin to work. It’s not until we fully embrace our immense brokenness that we can begin to grasp the beauty of His abundant grace.

4. Confess Your Sin & Seek God’s Forgiveness

Although God doesn’t want us to be consumed with feelings of inadequacy and failure, He does desire repentance when we’re clearly in sin. A genuine love for Christ can’t help but lead to brokenness over our sin.  

There will be times when we parent out of selfish motives, give in to anger, and fail our children. In these moments we have two options. We can either choose to harden our hearts in pride or humble ourselves as we examine our own hearts and seek God’s forgiveness and restoration (as well as that of our children or whomever we’ve sinned against).

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV).

5. Rest in His Grace

Gospel grace doesn’t end at salvation. It is a continual process of God working and refining us to become more like His Son throughout our entire lives. God’s grace is just as much for us today as it was the moment we first recognized our need for a Savior and made the decision to follow Christ.

If you’re struggling with mom guilt and what it truly means to rest in God’s grace I’d encourage you to memorize a few passages that can come to mind exactly when you need them most. Below are a few of my favorites that have been of comfort when I’m overwhelmed and in need of deep soul refreshment.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11

He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.

Psalm 103:10-13

Is it Normal to Have Mom Guilt?

As sinful parents raising sinful children we will all struggle with mom guilt this side of Heaven, but there is good news.

Friend, your children don’t need a perfect mom. They need an imperfect mom fully trusting and resting in the perfection of her Savior.

Faithfully point them to Him and you will never truly fail them.