If youāre a human being living in the 21st century youāve likely struggled with the comparison game. We are bombarded with expectations each day that have a tendency to leave us feeling less than admirable in a variety of ways. If youāve ever wondered how to stop comparing yourself to others please know that youāre not alone.
I am writing this because I have been there, and If Iām honest Iād have to say that I am still there more days than Iād like to admit. Over the years I have learned that if Iām not careful to guard my heart, I will inevitably fall into the comparison trap on a near daily basis. Iām a failure as a mother. How are her children always so calm and content? How does he stay so organized? How does she even have time to work out that often? ā¦ The list goes on and on.
And before I even realize whatās happening, Iām comparing my bad day to her highlight reel. My shortcomings with his strong suits. And my flaws with all of their exemplary qualities.
Discontentment at its finest.
The good news is that in spite of the inadequacies that often swirl around in my mind God has graciously been teaching me the secret to being content (Philippians 4:12). And I am happy to say that thereās a whole lot of joy that comes through letting go of the ideals of the world around us.
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6 Tips On How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
If you find yourself in a similar boat and would like to take some actionable steps to stop comparing yourself to others please stick with me. This is not a self-help post or a guarantee that life will get exponentially better if you follow the steps below. There is nothing magical about these words, other than that they may encourage you to examine your own heart.
Be Grateful
We are living in a day and age where many of our wants and desires can be fulfilled in an instant. These conveniences can bring about blessings, but unfortunately they can also have the opposite effect leaving us discontent and frustrated when things donāt go our way.
What if we took a step back to refocus and see the big picture of life once again? What if we started focusing on the million tiny (and big) blessings that surround us on a daily basis? Clean water. A warm bed. The laughter of a child. The sweet song of a bird greeting the morning sun. The companionship of a beloved pet. A best friend to do life withā¦
Even the trials of life can bring about good. Today letās be grateful for the very breath in our lungs. Letās praise God for His goodness that we so often take for granted.
Take the Focus Off of You
Most of us wouldnāt consider ourselves to be self-centered people. But we are. I wish there was a more gentle way to put it, but the truth is that the natural bent of our hearts is to focus inward. And when we do this we see everything that is wrong with usā¦ and everything that is ārightā with everyone else. When our focus is on ourselves we begin to want the success, talent, appearance, possessions, and accomplishments of others.
What if instead of being discontent or (on the flip side) prideful, we turned our focus outward and began seeking to use our own gifts and talents to be a blessing to those around us?
Serve Others
To stop comparing ourselves to others, I believe that we need to learn to serve. I have found this ring true time and time again in my own life. A quick cure for so many inward battles is to put the brakes on self and reach out to meet a need or show some kindness. It truly is a blessing and privilege to put a smile on someoneās face!
Realize That God Has Gifted You In Unique Ways
We often get wrapped up in discontentment because we fail to genuinely appreciate the gifts and talents that our Creator has given us. The Bible says in Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV) “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my motherās womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.ā
God specifically created you for a purpose. Please hear me when I say that no part of you is a mistake. He gifted you in many unique ways that He chose not to gift someone else. When we look at our different abilities and talents as one big opportunity to praise our Maker and uplift those around us we begin to realize that our gifts are just as important as the next personās.
Look to Your Maker For Ultimate Fulfillment
Itās all too easy to allow the distractions of life to pull us away from what is most important. We often jump from one high to the next hoping to find ultimate fulfillment. The thing is that we were made to desperately need an intimate relationship with the very One who spoke our life into existence. It is not possible to find complete satisfaction outside of Him.
True joy (the kind that is not dependent upon our circumstances) does not exist outside of a personal relationship with the Man who died to be our Savior. He is the only One who can make us entirely whole.
Understand Your Value In Godās Eyes
If you want to know how to stop comparing yourself to others Iād encourage you to dig deep into what Godās Word says about your worth in His eyes. It is tempting to view ourselves the way others see us- instead of believing what God says He sees in us. God says that we are His beloved creation. He says that weāve rebelled against Him and fallen far from His glory. He says that our sin needs to be paid for and we cannot make the payment on our own. He says that we need a Redeemer in order to be forgiven. He says that we are worth dying for.
YOU are worth dying for.
Sweet friend there is no need to go on comparing yourself to others. The only opinion that will ever truly matter is that of your Maker. Yes, we have all sinned and no, we cannot make it to Heaven on our own. But the story doesnāt end there.
Itās trueā¦ weāve lied, lusted, hated, dishonored our parents, stolen, and coveted (and so much more). God gave us the 10 Commandments to show us that we do fall short of his perfect holy standard. BUT then He lovingly points us to Christ.
He sent His own Son to die as a sacrifice on the cross.
In our place.
To offer us the gift of redemption, so that we wouldnāt have to be separated from Him for all eternity.
If we genuinely turn away from our sin and seek His forgiveness we can know with certainty that we will spend eternity in the presence of our Savior.
Related: Am I Saved?
Why Do I Compare Myself To Others?
Have you ever really wondered why we compare ourselves to others in the first place? I was thinking about this one day and believe the answer can be found all the way back at the very beginning of creation. Adam and Eve were surrounded by complete perfection in every sense of the word. And yet in the midst of all encompassing beauty, peace, and comfort the serpentās persuading lies grabbed hold of Eveās heart.
In an instant Eve was no longer content to walk with God and live in perfection. She wanted to be like God. (We could even go back further in time to when Satan himself fell from Heaven because of his own pride and desire to be God.) We cannot point the finger at the first man and woman, we have all done the same.
So why do we compare ourselves to others? I think the simple answer is because we want to be like them or be better than them. Other people are our measuring stick of success. We falsely believe that this is where true satisfaction lies- which couldnāt be further from the truth.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others On Social Media
Up until a few years ago no one could have possibly imagined the amount of influence social media would hold over our lives. What began as a unique way to connect people has, over time, created within us an unhealthy desire to pretend like we have it all together- all the while producing discontentment inside of our hearts when it appears that every else actually does have it all together.
We begin looking for the perfect photo opportunity while simultaneously neglecting to soak up the precious moments that make up that photo. We share only the absolute best tiny snippets of life in hopes that our friends and followers will think itās a 24/7 deal. We imagine that we are the most āconnectedā generation in history when in reality we are lonelier and more distant than weāve ever been.
Now obviously social media isnāt all bad, but if you find yourself struggling in the area of comparing yourself to others on various platforms it may be time to step away for a while. A social media āfastā might be the perfect way to re-examine your motives and whether or not your time spent scrolling and engaging is healthy.
Another option is to unfollow or unfriend those who tend to give rise to your feelings of negativity and discouragement. Or you can take it a step further and delete your social media accounts. I deleted my accounts a few months back and can honestly say itās been a breath of fresh air and a time saver! Iāve been more intentional in connecting with others in person and itās done my heart a world of good.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Physically
āCharm is deceptive and beauty is fleetingā¦ā (Proverbs 31:30 NIV) I memorized this verse as a teenager. It has been a gentle reminder to focus on internal beauty rather than external. Not that we shouldnāt take care of ourselves, we should certainly make an effort to care for the health weāve been graciously given. However, trying to improve all of our physical imperfections will only provide a temporary fix that can never truly satisfy our innate desire to be wholly loved without conditions.
There have been numerous occasions where I have met someone that the world wouldnāt consider to be breathtakingly beautiful, but upon discovering their inner beauty and depth of character they became not only beautiful on the inside, but equally beautiful on the outside to me.
To stop comparing ourselves to others physically I believe we desperately need to give our hearts not our looks an overhaul.
Be kind, generous, and gentle. Celebrate anotherās victories instead of allowing bitterness and jealousy to take root. Encourage and edify those you come in contact with. Smile at the unkind stranger and try to place yourself in their shoes. You have no idea the personal battles they are facing. Help those in need. Have patience with your children and show your spouse some grace.
What Happens When You Stop Comparing Yourself To Others?
So what actually happens when you stop comparing yourself to others?
Your perspective changes, and you begin to see those burdens as the blessings that they truly are.
I used to view dandelions as undesirable pesky weeds. Each year the month of April rolled around I would shrink back in embarrassment that my yard was the one plastered in yellow weeds while all of my neighbors had perfectly healthy well-manicured lawns. I constantly compared my yard to everyone else on the block and felt a bit guilty that I wasnāt quite up to par. And then one day recently all of that changed.
No, I didnāt start paying for professional lawn service. It was something so much betterā¦ My sweet little boy began picking those dandelions for me! He hands them over, with his charming smile, as if they are the most beautiful bouquet on the planet! And the funny thing is that I now view them this way. What pretty little flowers that grow so freely without ever needing any care on my part. Yellow is such a happy color!
God is so patient and gentle in the way that He teaches us. This time around He used something as simple as dandelions (and the precious innocence of my son) to teach me to let go of comparison.
None of us are immune to the struggles of comparing ourselves to others, but we can choose to change our perspective while being grateful for all that we do have. If you woke up this morning you are blessed. Please take some time to thank the Giver.
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