A list of 6 key ways to build up your husband to show him just how much you love and appreciate him.
A Beautiful Union
Have you ever taken the time to think upon the beauty of God’s design for marriage? Even before sin ever entered the picture God purposefully created Eve specifically to satisfy the longings of Adam’s heart that the rest of creation couldn’t.
Her unique qualities perfectly complimented his and she became his suitable helper.
His best friend.
His encourager.
His life partner.
His love.
His wife.
The two became one flesh.
Can you even imagine the innocence, purity, and absolute perfection of love they must have shared? A love untainted by sin and crafted by the very hand of God.
I think it’s important to pause here and remember that we can easily create an idol out of our spouse (or children) which is never God’s intention. God alone can fill our longings for true joy and fulfillment. However, His gift of marriage is an incredible blessing for us to enjoy during our time here on earth.
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Changing Seasons
I remember my own blissful honeymoon phase not all that long ago. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. How could something so beautiful end in ashes for so many? What is the wedge that drives so many couples apart? Is there a secret something that so many are missing?
A couple of years into our marriage we welcomed our first child, a precious baby girl. Two years later we were blessed with our son. There are no words to describe the pure joys of parenthood. However, this journey was unlike anything we’d ever imagined or fully prepared for. This new journey greatly divided our time and our attention. Our priorities changed, our schedules changed, our perspectives changed…just about everything changed. The one on one time my husband and I were used to sharing together was greatly diminished- for good reason of course! It was an adjustment period none the less.
What Goes Wrong?
I eventually began to understand how some couples start to drift apart.
They get busy. They become stressed and overwhelmed by the pressures of life. And as a result they fail to see the needs of their spouse.
The time they once spent together no longer comes as naturally or easily and little by little they slowly drift in opposite directions. How can any relationship remain healthy and grow stronger without time invested into it? I have noticed that if my husband and I aren’t careful we can busy ourselves with our own individual responsibilities and neglect spending that much needed one on one time together. We can be a fully functioning family happily living under the same roof and still be moving apart from one another.
Marriage Takes Work
It takes intentional effort to put another’s needs before your own. At some point in our marriage I realized that I wasn’t always keeping up on my end of the deal. Taking care of our home and children has a way of wiping me out on a daily basis and more often than not the only thing on my mind after tucking the kids in is getting some rest myself! Unfortunately I am not always looking for ways to spend quality time with my husband and meet his needs as I did in the beginning.
Although this is definitely an area of continual growth for me, I am learning that these mistakes can be ironed out and used for good. It can also bring about great joy in the process. I’m not an expert on men by any means, but I think it’s safe to say that no matter what their love language is there are 4 key marital needs of every husband. Respect, love, physical intimacy, and appreciation. It is our job (and honor) as his wife and best friend to make sure that he is receiving these from us.
6 Ways To Build Up Your Husband
So how exactly can we build up our husbands and be the “suitable helper” we were created to be?
1. Let Him Lead Your Family
Ladies, we are emotional creatures. Our men, on the other hand, have a natural logical drive that enables them to make decisions, overall, a little bit easier than us. Although we are in this together and my husband always asks for my input on things, just knowing that he has the final say and will take care of our family honestly takes a load off of my shoulders. One less thing I have to worry about and one more reason for me to admire his leadership and love for our family. God’s design for men to lead their families in no way diminishes our worth or the importance of our role as wives. On the contrary, our roles beautifully compliment one another and allow us to use our God given gifts to the fullest.
2. Thank Him For His Provision
He may already know that you are grateful for the hard work he puts in to provide for your family, but he also needs to hear it from you. Thank him for the big things in life and for the little things. Show him how much you appreciate him. Verbally tell him. Write him a love note and stick it somewhere that’s sure to surprise him. Show him by your actions. However you do it, please just make sure that you are doing it =)
3. Initiate
It’s no surprise that our husbands enjoy being intimate. An easy way to express our love and appreciation is by initiating that intimacy from time to time. And for the record, I sincerely doubt that there will ever be such a thing as initiating too often in your husband’s mind ;).
Ladies, I get it. I know that you are tired! However, if we have enough energy to read a book, work on a project, or scroll through social media for 20 minutes after putting the kids to bed, I’m sure that we can muster up enough energy to be with him. Putting his needs before our own actually has a way of causing us to stop and realize just how much we appreciate this man that God has so graciously given us to enjoy life with. Isn’t it amazing how selflessly meeting the needs of another increases the depth of our admiration and love for them?
Related Posts: 10 Ways To Pray For Your Husband
4. Encourage And Support Him
Tell him how proud you are of him and share it with others too. Be his number one encourager in every area of life. He needs to hear those words of affirmation and respect.
5. Plan Time Together
I’m learning how this one is especially important in the busy child rearing phase. Time goes by so quickly and if dates and alone time aren’t scheduled and made a priority they probably won’t happen or at least not nearly as often as they should. This one thing alone is so very important for keeping our marriages healthy and strong. Plan a date. Go enjoy nature in some respect, laugh together, find a new restaurant to try, do something out of the ordinary…Remember what is was like when you were dating. You’ll begin to cherish these sweet moments even more than before.
6. Pray For Him
The harsh reality is that there are many distractions vying for his time and affections throughout the day. We desperately need to pray for our husbands.
Pray that he will guard his heart and mind.
Pray that he will pursue goals worthy of his time, energy, and talents.
Pray for him to make that time with his children a priority and be the leader his family needs.
Pray for him to find joy even amid life’s trials.
Pray for the wisdom and grace to be a wife who loves, respects, and cares for him as you should.
Pray for God to use your marriage to be a light to those around you and reflect the love of Christ.
A Love Without Conditions
Although there is tremendous beauty in the marriage design, a perfect marriage simply doesn’t exist. As part of a fallen creation each and every one of us marry a sinner. There will be moments that we struggle to treat our spouse as we should. There will be moments when we don’t feel loved and have little desire to show love in return. During these trials please remember that our love for our spouse is a reflection of our love for God. By choosing to love him during his not so lovable moments (and vice versa) we’re able to catch a tiny glimpse of the love our Savior holds of us. Loving our husbands is a way of expressing love to our Heavenly Father.
When two people look at marriage as an opportunity to love and serve one another, it is truly beautiful beyond words.
Let’s build up our husbands and go love them well.
Joanna Teigen says
Thank you for this encouragement to take initiative to love my husband well. It’s a refreshing nudge to lean in closer, serve him more selflessly, and remember what a blessing he truly is.
Tabatha says
I’m so thankful that it was an encouragement to you, Joanna! I think in our busy lives we all need that nudge and reminder from time to time <3
Hadassah says
What a wonderful post! I love your powerful reminder that marriage needs an intentional effort to put another’s needs before our own. Thank you so much for the practical tips you share on how to build up our husbands!
Tabatha says
Thank you for the kind words, Hadassah! You have a beautiful name, by the way =)
Anita Ojeda says
I think one of the most important things we can do for our marriages is to learn each other’s love languages. We all receive love differently, and knowing how to speak your spouses primary love language makes a huge difference in how loved that person feels.
Tabatha says
Anita, I completely agree! Once I realized that not everyone receives love as I do, my eyes were completely opened as to how I can better encourage and serve them.
Kari says
Marriage is one of the hardest things I’ve done because it’s ongoing and it’s constant work! But when two people can love each other and lift each other up, it really becomes beautiful. For us, when we prayed together and when I pray for him it changed everything for us. There are still tough days of course but letting God in and have him as the center of the relationship is what will make the marriage everything it should be.
Tabatha says
That is so true, Kari. We desperately need to keep God at the center of it all or else we’ll fall apart when the trials come our way. Thank you for reaching out today!
Britta says
I think I often sit back and wait for my husband to love me well, but that’s not what being a wife is about. Thanks for this helpful reminder!
Tabatha says
I think we all have a tendency to do that from time to time, Britta. I appreciate your honesty and you are not alone. So thankful for the patience of my husband and of my amazing Savior <3 Thank you for taking the time to read!
Ashley says
What a lovely reminder of God’s perfect design of marriage and how we can be examples of that example! It is tough at times to love sacrificially and when we are empty, but how right you are! Loving our husbands gives us a glimpse of what Gods love to us is like.
Tabatha says
Thank you for the kind comment, Ashley! It’s definitely not always easy to follow His example in life, but I am so grateful for how He proves faithful over and over again whether it be in marriage or any area of life.
Brandi Kirsch says
Absolutely beautiful and inspiring as always!
Tabatha says
Thank you for the sweet comment and encouragement, Brandi! I appreciate you taking the time to read =)
Marshalee says
Tabatha, I simply loved your post and the reminder to love our spouses when they are sometimes unlovable-because it’s a reflection of our love for God for us is such a great way to do this. For me when my spouse and I have a little disagreement and what he says seems selfish, I would pray about it because I don’t want to be a quitter when things get tough, and sure enough, each time I pray, God always removes the hurt or negative thoughts from my heart and mind towards him and before the day is over, the loving feeling returns. I pray and remind God of the commitment we made together in needing him to build our relationship as in Psalms 127:1 and that helps. Have a blessed day and stay safe.
Tabatha says
Marshalee, thank you for sharing this with me! I’m so grateful that it was an encouragement to you. God certainly answers our prayers and can change our hearts. I completely agree with you that He is the One who can build our marriages when we put Him at the center where He belongs. Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Thank you, I hope you’re staying safe as well <3
Judith Okech says
Women are more prayerful than men. Praying for a husband is adhering to God’s commandment. He made every wife a helper to her husband. This command is silent but if ignored, break-up becomes imminent. Praying for a husband should be at the forefront on the list of the help we need to offer. Great read.
Tabatha says
Hi, Judith! I agree that we most definitely need to be in continual prayer for our husbands, and that yes, as wives we have the privilege of being their “helpmeet”. God’s design for marriage is truly beautiful! Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
Kelsey says
I agree with everything you have said and the reason why it will work is if we have God in our marriages we will never go wrong because God is love ????
Tabatha says
Thank you, Kelsey! Yes, with God at the center of our marriages, He can help us through the trials and use them all for good. Thank you so much for stopping by today!
Jenny says
First off, I love this post! Especially the reminder to let my husband lead, as well as that I should be PRAYING for him!! So many times I just let my thoughts run away with me when I should focus my brain power on prayer instead of letting Satan get a foothold!
Second, I LOVE your book recommendation for You and Me Forever!! My husband and I read the book together and did the Bible Study with our small group and it was SO GOOD! Especially the videos that go with the series – so real and down to earth! We gave all of our friends this book for Christmas two years ago!!
Tabatha says
Thank you so much, Jenny! I know that I have a tendency to do that as well, and I’m learning of how vital it is that we’re continually seeking the Lord in prayer throughout the day to help guard our hearts. That’s wonderful that you and your husband were able to read “You and Me Forever”! My husband and I also did that book study just the two of us and watched the videos that Francis Chan and his wife did. We need more books like this! Thank you for reaching out today!
friends first says
The worst thing a woman can do is continue to kick her especially while he is down. We women have no idea how much power we have as women. We have the ability to build a man up so much that he will want to go into the world and conquer it just for you. If we learn the art of submission, and seduction you can have your man falling to his knees as you build him up all at the same time.
Tabatha says
Hi there, thanks for stopping by and reading today =) The marriage relationship is truly a precious gift and when we are faithful to love and serve our spouse, God is faithful to use it for our good and His glory. Thanks again for reaching out!
Struggling wife and momma says
I love all of this! I suppose I have one question tho. not sure if you have an answer. recently I’ve found it harder and harder to respect my husband due to various issues I don’t need to go into here. I want to show him the respect he needs and deserves but I’m struggling to give him that when it seems I’m running out of respect to give.
thoughts?
Tabatha says
Thank you for your kindness in taking the time to read and reach out <3 That is a great question and one that many of us wives struggle with at some point or another.
I am not an expert in this area, but I will say that I don't believe that God is asking us to respect or condone our husband's behavior when it is clearly out of line with Scripture… rather He is telling us to respect the man. The person that He created in His image and sent His Son to die for. When I am struggling in this area I try to remember the grace I’ve been shown through Christ and pray for the strength to offer that same kind of grace to my husband.
Ultimately, we can honor our Savior by choosing to love and respect our spouse (especially when they’re undeserving). Please know that I will be praying for you. I recently wrote a little book on ways for us to show love and respect to our husband’s. The hope was that it could be an encouragement to both those who are doing well in marriage as well as those who are struggling. I’d be happy to mail you out a copy if you’re interested. Please just let me know. Take Care, Tabatha