10 Tips For A Healthy Marriage

10 Tips for a healthy marriage to help strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

For the last ten years I’ve had the privilege of doing life with my best friend by my side… While experiencing firsthand the beauty of God’s design for marriage. With only ten years under my belt I’m obviously far from an expert in this area. However, we serve an incredible God who graciously allowed my husband and I to learn some important truths early on in our journey together.

These truths have thankfully spared us from a world of hurt, anger, frustration, and brokenness. They continue to strengthen our marriage with each passing year.

I honestly feel inadequate and unqualified to share marriage advice, but these ideas are not my own. These tiny nuggets of truth come straight from the Creator of the universe. The very One who saw fit to fashion Eve specifically to meet the needs of Adam when the rest of creation fell short.

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10 Tips For A Healthy Marriage

I pray that these tips for a healthy marriage below are an encouragement and help to you and your spouse. God is so faithful to teach us sweet truths through His Word. Since becoming a wife He has taught me that I’m still very much a work in progress, and that healthy marriages don’t just happen on their own. BUT if we are faithful to put Him first, He is faithful to guide our steps. Top 10 marriage tips:

1. Serve Each Other

I firmly believe that this one act alone is one of the most foundational aspects of creating a healthy marriage. In a culture that glorifies self, we’ve got to learn to put the brakes on our natural sinful desires and drive in reverse.

We need to learn to serve one another.

I’ll even go as far to say that if you’re currently pursuing marriage solely because your significant other “makes you happy”, please DON’T DO IT! Because you know what?

One day that person will not make you happy.

One day that person will likely even make you very unhappy and then those lofty ideas and expectations will come crashing down around you. Leaving you confused, hurt, and wondering if you possibly made the wrong choice in a marriage partner. 

Now this is not to say that your spouse shouldn’t make you happy- far from it! But, Friends, “happiness” is a feeling brought about by the circumstances that surround you. You are a sinner and you will marry a sinner. I can guarantee that your circumstances will not always be favorable.

All of that to say that when we finally begin to realize that marriage isn’t all about us, we’ll begin to experience the true beauty of it.

I often think back to our days of dating and distinctly remember the moment I realized that I was in love for the first time. Surprisingly it wasn’t when he bought me flowers or stopped by my place for a surprise visit (although those were pretty special memories!).

It was actually when I just couldn’t stop thinking of ways to serve him!

I couldn’t wait to come up with new ways to show him my gratitude or go out of my way to serve him in some way.

My newfound discovery had less to do with me and more to do with him.

I was in love with him- his character. His kindness. The way he could be absolutely masculine and yet incredibly gentle at the same time. I was in love with his heart. Not because of what I could get out of our relationship, but because of who God created him to be.

Ten years into our relationship we still both love to serve one another. It’s not uncommon for us to try to out serve the other because of the love we hold for one another and the pure joy we receive in the outcome.

I’d like to challenge you to put more effort into serving your spouse. Having a servant’s heart is one of the top characteristics of a healthy marriage, and will not return void.

I don’t have words to adequately explain the heart transformation that takes place when two people look at marriage as an opportunity to serve.

Even if your spouse does not deserve it, please still serve. Your kind acts will not go unnoticed. Our God is faithful. If your spouse doesn’t immediately reciprocate you’ve still done right and honored God in your decision.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galations 5:13

Related: 6 WAYS TO BUILD UP YOUR HUSBAND

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2. Don’t Assume The Worst

This healthy marriage tip is one that doesn’t come naturally. (Especially for us emotional females.) When you are hurt by the decisions of your spouse, please don’t automatically assume you know the entire story. Or even their intentions for making that decision in the first place.

Pray for a humble heart to approach them with and simply ask if you’ve understood the situation correctly. Then gently explain to them why you were hurt and seek to restore your relationship. I’m not saying that this is an easy fix. Hurt feelings don’t just disappear. But when your love for your spouse is greater than your grudge, you will desire to make things right.

3. Quickly Forgive

I’ll be honest and say that my husband is much further along in this one than I am! I truly admire him for his desire to restore our relationship so quickly when we’ve had a disagreement. I, on the other hand, have unfortunately been known to give the silent treatment at times until I’m fully ready to forgive.

This “waiting” does more harm than good. Scripture encourages us to forgive quickly for good reason. The longer we neglect to forgive someone the more room we allow for bitterness to creep in and lodge into our hearts.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27

4. Lower Your Expectations

I know what you’re thinking right now. “Say What?!” “That must be a misprint!” Before you jump to conclusions about my intentions here…let me explain. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that most of us need to lower our expectations when it comes to our spouse meeting our needs.

It wasn’t two weeks into our marriage that I realized my mistake in assuming that my “perfectly sweet husband” would complete me and fully satisfy all of my needs. My unrealistic expectations of him were a pretty heavy load for him to carry.

Without ever realizing it I had created an unfair picture of his role as my husband while living in a sin cursed world. The truth is pretty simple.

My husband is a sinner.

And so am I.

And although our marriage is truly beautiful, we simply aren’t capable of fully meeting the needs of the other.

That role is reserved for our Savior.

Admit when you are wrong and accept that there will be times when your spouse messes up too. Thankfully we have a Savior who will never let us down. For it is only in Him that we can find a love not tainted by sin.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

5. Initiate Intimacy

I’ll admit that initiating intimacy isn’t typically a top priority of mine throughout the week. As wives we genuinely don’t need physical intimacy as often as our husbands. And… let’s be honest, the majority of us are at or near exhaustion by the end of the day.

Simply put- making love often slips our minds. However, just because it may take more effort for us to remember and put those thoughts into action doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t desire to joyfully meet our husband’s needs in this way.

It’s no secret that a healthy marriage relationship includes regular physical intimacy. So please make an effort to show your spouse love by initiating from time to time. The physical union of a husband and wife is truly a beautiful act that can’t help but strengthen a marriage.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

6. Tips For A Healthy Marriage- Date Your Spouse

When I first met my husband we enjoyed one date night after another. Even downtime spent at one of our homes felt like a date to me. Just being with him made my little world a better place.

Ten years, two children, and a dog later our time together doesn’t come as easily anymore. But it still needs to be a priority! Staying connected to one another is absolutely vital to maintaining a healthy marriage. Whether it be one on one time spent together during a special evening out or a special evening at home after the kiddos go to bed, we’ve got to be intentional!

I’ve even noticed that after a rough day with my little ones, just spending a bit of unplanned, uninterrupted time with my husband has a way of leaving me refreshed. I believe it does the same for him.

Some of these healthy marriage tips are easier to implement than others. Take advantage of your time together. Communicate. Plan. And be intentional.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

7. Laugh Together

Or better yet, make each other laugh! Laughter truly does the heart good. Whoever said that being a grown-up has to be dull? Please don’t get so wrapped up in your daily responsibilities that you forget how to laugh.

Go buy some water/nerf guns and have at it with your spouse! Be playful! Have fun! For the record, gentlemen, a lady never outgrows her desire to be pursued 😉

My husband and I have so many memories of us just laughing together. Anyone who knows him would easily describe him as a pretty funny guy (or a goofball might be a more appropriate word). He makes me smile and laugh so easily. And although I’m not naturally as quick-witted and funny, I just so happen to be quite the dork and am able to make him laugh too.

Do something sweet to make your spouse smile. Be light-hearted and have a good laugh together. I promise you that it will do you both a whole lot of good!

“A joyful heart is good medicine” Proverbs 17:22

8. Don’t Prioritize Your Children Over Your Spouse

This one is mostly for the mommas. Taking care of the sweet kiddos God has blessed us with can seem like a full time job in and of itself. It is all too easy to invest the majority of our time and efforts into caring for them, while leaving our husbands with whatever energy we have left in the process.

I’d like to encourage you to find creative ways of making sure that you’re still meeting your husband’s needs, while at the same time faithfully pouring into your marriage with the same effort you put into raising your little ones.

No, our spouses do not need us in the same way that our children do, but they very much need us to invest into our marriages. This relationship will not grow stronger on its own. If we aren’t faithfully pursuing our relationship with our spouse, we will inevitably drift away (often times without realizing it until trouble is already on the horizon.)

Please prioritize your spouse, to the best of your ability, without leaving him leftovers night after night.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12

9. Understand That Your Differences Complement One Another

You know those quirky differences that you once found so attractive in your spouse… The ones that overtime eventually became frustrating to you?

Have you ever thought of how those very differences, the ones that we struggle to understand and often hope to change, can actually be a blessing in disguise?  It took me a while to realize this one, but a few years ago it finally hit me that I should be filled with gratitude that my husband is not just like me.

My perfectionist, organized, peaceful nature always imagined how much cleaner the house and calmer the atmosphere would be if my husband was also an organized neat freak who thrived on quietness and cleanliness.

And then one day it hit me! WHAT. WAS. I. THINKING?!

If my husband was just like me then that would mean that he also would have extremely high expectations of me in these specific areas which is already incredibly stressful when trying to take care of two very active, energetic, and strong willed children!

I finally realized that the expectations I set for myself were more than enough! I became grateful for my husband’s reassurance that the house looks just fine and that I should relax more. On the flip side of this I’m able to help my husband be more of a planner in order to be a bit more prepared in certain situations.

When I step back and look at it, our differences truly do complement one another. We balance each other out much more than I ever realized- in a much needed and healthy way.

Please try to view your differences in this way. Not every difference is a blessing, and some may still be difficult to live with. If this is the case I challenge you to pray that God will work in your own heart instead of seeking to change your spouse.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

10. Put God First

Even if we are somehow able to nail the nine points listed above, we will still miss the mark if we aren’t placing God at the center of our marriage.

He specifically created us to need a relationship with Him. He alone can fully satisfy all of our desires and longings. He alone can offer us a gift of grace and save our soul. And yet how very gracious of Him to give us another gift in the form of a best friend to do life with during our days here on earth.

If, as husband and wife, we each seek to draw closer to our Heavenly Father- then we will naturally draw closer to one another as well.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

What Are the 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage?

In closing, if you’re looking for the 3 most important things in a marriage you’re likely to get varying answers. But, I can tell you from my own experience that a healthy marriage is built upon trust, love, and respect.

It is vital that we are able to trust our spouse and not jumping to unhealthy conclusions. Trust is the framework that holds everything together.

Although love is the most obvious answer to this question, I think it’s important to pause and dig into the true meaning of this word. Our culture’s definition is often “me-centered” which is completely contrary to genuine love.

Yes, there are multiple types of love, but first and foremost love is an act. It is a choice that we make to put another’s needs and desires before our own. The Meriam Webster Dictionary describes it as “unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.”

Let’s pay attention to the details of our spouse’s interests and needs and go out of our way to make absolute certain they know how much they are loved– a marriage that is built upon this type of love is one that will thrive.

Respect also plays a crucial role in the health of a marriage- especially for men. Ladies, we have some powerful emotions, as well as opinions that often float freely throughout our minds. We need to learn to keep those thoughts to ourselves, and more importantly pray for a sweet spirit and a discerning heart that will not entertain those negative thoughts about our husband in the first place.

Multiple surveys have shown that the majority of men desire respect over feeling loved. Men are simply hard wired to crave respect. Instead of dwelling on our spouse’s faults, let’s build each other up.

The Secret To A Successful Marriage

Friend, the reality is that there aren’t any secrets to a successful marriage. A healthy marriage relationship is built upon trust, love, respect, intentional effort, and hard work. And when we’re faithful to place our Creator and Savior at the very core, He is more than faithful to bless our efforts.