9 Practical Parenting Tips for Special Needs Moms

There’s no denying the heartache and difficulties of special needs parenting. Here are 9 practical parenting tips for special needs moms to bring about joy.

After many years of research, therapy, doctor’s appointments, specialist visits, and trying “all the things” for my sweet son, I can honestly say that what has helped our family most on this special needs journey are the unexpected, little bits of everyday life that we’ve encountered along the way.

9 Practical Parenting Tips for Special Needs Moms

Although we still struggle on a near daily basis, God has kindly gifted us with glimmers of grace woven throughout our trials. Each of these parenting tips for special needs moms listed below (with the exception of a few bucket list ideas) has been a welcome comfort to our family. I believe they’re worth sharing in hopes that something may be of benefit to yours too.

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1. Immerse Yourselves in Nature

Parenting special needs children can be vastly different from raising neurotypical kids, but there is one thing every child needs regardless of their abilities and differences: time spent exploring the great outdoors. I find it interesting that prior to the availability of medication, physicians would prescribe time spent in God’s peaceful creation to help alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression.

There’s no denying that nature brings God glory, but it is also a beautiful gift intended to bring us joy. Playful excursions in the sunshine, rain, or snow can’t help but bring about smiles.

Hiking

My family and I are blessed to live less than an hour away from one of the nation’s top hiking destinations. We have many special memories of our time together on the trails. Apart from the exercise and wildlife we encounter, the conversations and simple team atmosphere as we tackle challenging treks together have been a balm for each of us.

I realize that not everyone has access to extensive hiking trails, but would encourage you to do some research to discover what kinds of parks and trails are local to you.

Botanical gardens are a wonderful option if you’re looking for a more leisurely stroll, and family walks around your own neighborhood are a great way to bond and help regulate the nervous system. (Many libraries offer free or discounted passes to local and state parks, arboretums, and conservatories.)

Gardening

Both flower and vegetable gardening are therapeutic for children (and adults) with special needs. Although there are dedicated kids gardening classes and horticulture therapy programs, you can always opt for a simple raised garden bed at home, a small container garden on your back porch, or allow your children to pick out some flower seeds to plant and tend along your landscaping.

Invest in some house plants to bring a little bit of cheer indoors, or better yet, allow your child to go shopping for a house plant of their own to care for. Involve them in some yard work and never stop marveling at God’s creation and the peace it provides.

Bird & Squirrel Watching

Bird watching is another calming outdoor activity that may prompt smiles. My daughter has been educating me on all the bird species of our state for the past couple of years and they’re truly remarkable little creatures. My son adopted this interest last year and thoroughly enjoys sprinkling seed along our deck and filling our kitchen window feeder so we can have a front row seat of the action.

Additionally, squirrel watching (and feeding) has become a full on hobby for my children. Sam, Pippen, Frodo, Merry, and Eleonore, arrive each morning for their “second breakfast” of delectable peanuts that they will eat directly out of my children’s hands!

Obviously any outdoor activity you do together as a family is an opportunity to foster connection. I’d encourage you to get creative in this area and tailor it to your family’s specific needs and interests. Here are a few additional ideas that we personally enjoy:

• Bike Rides
• Playing catch
• Shooting hoops
• Nature/neighborhood scavenger hunt
• Local playgrounds
• Ninja courses
• Tree climbing
• Gathering wildflowers
• Feeding fish at local ponds (oats are typically safe)
• Summertime water fun and wintertime fun in the snow

2. Try a Form of Animal-Assisted Therapy

Much like nature, animals have an amazing ability to wriggle peace into our children’s (and our) chaotic little worlds. Scientific research reveals that the simple act of petting animals decreases our stress hormones while simultaneously increasing hormones that promote relaxation. You may want to look into:

Humane Societies/ Animal Shelters

About once a month my husband takes our children to the local humane society to mingle with lonely dogs and cats hungry for some affection. Although my son may struggle with behavior on the ride there, he is usually shockingly calm on the way home after giving and receiving love from these sweet creatures.

Animal Sanctuaries and Petting Zoos

We live in a suburban area, yet have a more than a dozen unique animal farms within an hour of our home including: a miniature highland cow farm, a flower market with roaming baby goats to snuggle, and an animal sanctuary where you can love on abused and neglected horses, donkeys, cows, and pigs.

A simple internet search for your area will likely reveal a variety of opportunities for you and your children to interact with animals too.

Riding Lessons and Equine Therapy

Horses have long been known for their gentle demeanor and ability to sense our emotions, making them the perfect companions for troubled children and those with special needs. Some horse ranches offer programs specifically geared towards children with special needs or those with mental health struggles that can do wonders for emotional and cognitive development.

A Service Dog

Although any pet can attain an emotional support animal certification, only highly trained service dogs can accompany their handler in nearly every public establishment. These remarkably intelligent animals can be a soothing comfort to those with autism, ADHD, and mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.

The extensive training required for these animals is very costly. However, some organizations like Canine Companions and 4 Paws for Ability can help cut costs or provide services free of charge for special needs families.

Related: 18 Comforting Bible Verses For Special Needs Parents

3. Prioritize Your Child’s Physical Health

As parents, it’s easy to become so consumed with our children’s mental and emotional needs that we neglect to prioritize their physical health with the same amount of intensity. However, their physical health is directly correlated to the other two and is more than worth our time and attention.  

Nutrition

You’ve likely already researched the importance of fueling your children’s bodies with delicious whole foods, but I’d like to reiterate the importance of this crucial step. I know how difficult it can be to squeeze in the extra time to make homemade meals and snacks, but please remember the health of your family will always be worth it. I encourage you to skip processed, pre-packaged items and aim for wholesome foods that our Creator provided to nourish our bodies.

Getting back to the basics of nutrition as God designed it can go a long way in protecting our children’s bodies from harmful substances, which naturally affect their brains as well.

Hydration

Please ensure that your child is getting adequate water each day. Children with special needs are often prone to dehydration for a variety of reasons. This can lead to a multitude of undesirable symptoms such as sleep disturbances, irritability, and extreme fatigue.

I’ll often give my children a water bottle or large mason jar with marked ounces so they can have a visual of how much water they need to drink each day. For an easy change of pace, try iced herbal tea (with some fruit slices and fresh herbs!).

Products

Opting for natural, non-toxic health and beauty products and cleaning supplies can also help prevent chemical absorption that can wreak havoc on our children’s hormones, growth, and development.

Exercise

Regular exercise is vitally important for healthy dopamine levels and stress reduction. I encourage you to get creative and discover ways for yourself and your children to exercise individually and as a family.

Five years ago my husband created a sensory gym in our basement for our children to enjoy during the winter months.  A few ceiling anchors, interchangeable swings, monkey bars, crash pads, and a simple homemade rock wall have become a healthy outlet for both of our children when the weather is less than satisfactory. 

Supplements & Medication

Multiple studies reveal that children with special needs are often deficient in certain vitamins and minerals. It may be worth consulting with your child’s pediatrician to see if blood work is a healthy option to consider. Personally, our son has benefited from supplemental magnesium, iron, omega 3s, and vitamin D (in the winter months).

The use of medication can be a controversial topic. Although I was once a firm believer that we should only look to the natural resources given to us by our Creator (and still believe this should be our first line of defense), I have also learned that He has graciously given wisdom to those in the scientific and medical fields to create helpful medications for those who genuinely need them. If you’re considering medication for your child, please do your research. It can be life-changing for some, but isn’t without its side effects.

4. Invest in Your Relationships

It’s incredibly easy to become so focused on doing everything necessary to make it through each day, that we lose sight of simply being with our family and cherishing time together.

Make your children and spouse feel seen and loved. Remember your spouse is not the enemy. Your children are not the enemy. Foster connection as a family, but also ensure you’re spending one on one time with each of your loved ones individually. 

We try to have a Family Fun Night here at home twice a month. We alternate between movie night and game night and have gathered a mini collection of board and card games that we enjoy. (Moose Match Mayhem is a current family favorite!)

We can pour every ounce of ourselves into our families on a daily basis, but if we’re neglecting to fill up their “love tanks”, our efforts will hold little impact. Discover what your family’s unique needs are (Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages may be of help) and do you best to ensure they’re being met to the best of your ability.

Make your home a safe haven from the harsh realities of the world and love your family well.

5. When Parenting Special Needs Children, Provide Opportunities for Creativity

My son would never consider himself to be an artist, but he absolutely enjoys being creative with his hands. He is a scrap wood and cardboard box connoisseur and has always found a little bit of peace with a paintbrush in hand.

Artistic expression provides stress relief, while also assisting children will self-regulation and fine motor skills. Your child may not enjoy cardboard creations or painting like mine, but I encourage you to provide opportunities for creativity to help your son or daughter discover activities that bring them joy.

6. Expose Your Child to Beautiful Music

The one form of art that has had the greatest impact on my sweet boy is music. Music is powerful, and I believe our Creator designed it this way.

I learned many years ago that if my son was struggling with behavior or especially down about something, playing some beautiful instrumental music (specifically a piano/violin duet) could typically lighten his mood. Below are a few of our family’s favorite violinists, pianists, and composers:

• Daniel Jang
• Alan Milan
• The Piano Guys
• Brian Crain
• Tim Janis
• Jay Stocker (composer and co-founder of Scripture Lullabies)

The Scripture Lullabies team composes beautiful orchestra music with soft vocals filled with God’s Word. Their musical teddy bear has been a staple in our home (for our children and myself!) for many years. We also enjoy their albums on long car rides to help ease tension and anxiety.

Below are a couple of playlists of some of our current favorites: an instrumental strings and piano playlist and a Scripture Lullabies playlist.

7. Read to Your Child

A good book—and a well-written story in particular—has the ability to get through to our hearts in a way that mere words can’t. Reading to our children can be a powerful tool in teaching them how to navigate the world around them. I discovered long ago that if my son was going to learn anything, it would likely be through a hands-on activity or the pages of a storybook.

We’ve also discovered audio dramas to be a helpful tool when our son is struggling in the car. We especially love Lamplighter Theater audiobooks! Lamplighter Ministries has a mission of reaching families with the hope of Christ through revived tales of character and solid biblical truths. We own several of their audiobooks and have enjoyed them all, but Sir Malcolm and the Missing Prince is one of our all-time favorites.

I encourage you to frequent your local library or start a mini home library of your family’s treasured favorites. Beautiful works of literature are character building catalysts for further conversations about what matters most.

8. Lay Aside the Electronics

I don’t think it’s necessary to dive too deep into this one, but friend, please rethink handing your child a tablet (or phone, video game, TV, etc). Our children’s worth is far greater than our momentary conveniences.

Overwhelming research confirms the damage inflicted by technology and social media consumption, especially on young brains that are still developing. A child’s brain is susceptible to cognitive delays and an increase in mental health issues when exposed to excessive amounts of technology.

9. Educate Yourself & Become a Student of Your Child

I can’t stress enough the importance of educating yourself about your child—not in a way that idolizes him, but in a way that better equips you to carry out your God-given role as his parent. My husband and I felt in the dark in many areas during the first few years of our struggles. Although we often still feel “stuck” and acknowledge the slow process, I will say that learning the way our son’s brain works, accepting his limitations, and discovering his “triggers” as well as his strengths and passions in life, have been monumental in moving us forward at all. 

For example, after years of studying my son and playing detective, I’ve learned that 9 times out of 10 his anger is rooted in fear—a fear that is entirely unrelated to the present circumstances that prompted such anger. And what appears to be outright defiance is actually the result of sensory overload or an unmet need.

Even simple things we assume our verbal children should be able to communicate rarely appear on their radar. My son can become explosively angry or defiant due to an uncomfortable rise in his body temperature, dehydration, hunger, fatigue, excess noise, overbearing scents, and overstimulating scenarios in general. His body is sounding an alarm, but he doesn’t have the ability to effectually communicate his needs. When I pause to examine the situation, we can typically tackle the problem together.

When Parenting Special Needs Children, Take a Step Back & Look at the Big Picture

Raising children that need a little extra love and care is a tremendous blessing, but there’s no denying the heartache and difficulties that accompany such unique differences. Ultimately, these trials force us to admit our limitations and weaknesses, and reveal to us our desperate need for a Savior.

Sweet friend, the same God who spoke into existence infinite galaxies beyond comprehension and kaleidoscopic sunsets that take our breath away, also saw fit to breathe life into you—you are loved beyond measure. Yet, every man, woman, and child has a heart laden with sin. We have all lied, stolen, lusted, coveted, harbored hatred, and created idols among other things (Exodus 20, Matthew 5). God’s perfect and holy standard was never meant to bind and shame us, but on the contrary, to set us free. To show us that yes, we do fall short of His glory, and then lovingly point us to the truth of His Son’s merciful sacrifice on our behalf. 

Jesus, God’s perfect and sinless Son, willingly came to earth for the sole purpose of dying the death we deserve. Then victoriously rose on the third day proving His defeat over death. If we humbly turn from our sin and seek His forgiveness we can rest assured of an eternity spent with Him.

Yes, parenting special needs children has its challenges, but it can also be the most soul shaping privilege in the universe. God is good and He is kind. Let’s offer up our gratitude for these incredible gifts and rest in His grace.