To The Lonely Stay At Home Mom: 6 Key Ways To Cope With Social Isolation

Learning to cope with social isolation as a lonely stay at home mom can create within us a heart of gratitude rather than despair.

Some people are energized by socializing and interacting with others. I am not one of these people. Although I do believe this personality trait would come in handy for me at times… I have always been on the quiet side and am by nature an introvert through and through. I thrive on orderliness, peacefulness, and calmness.

Several years ago I had the privilege to begin working my dream job. Although the perks are unbelievable, my co-workers adorable, and the rewards priceless, there is one area of my job that I do tend to struggle with on a somewhat regular basis. The atmosphere is loud, even a bit chaotic at times, and rarely is everything in order as I wish it were.

It can also be incredibly lonely.

I am a stay at home mom.

Apart from God’s saving grace and marrying my best friend, my children are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And although I love them more than I can even put into words, I never expected this motherly journey to be so lonely at times.

Why does my dream job make me feel like an utter failure so often? Why is this stay at home mom loneliness thing so all-consuming at times?

 I’ve walked with Jesus long enough now to know that it’s not all for nothing…

To The Lonely Stay At Home Mom

To the lonely stay at home mom who feels exhausted and invisible… To the one who longs to simply be noticed, talked to, and appreciated… Please know that God sees you. 

He sees you as the trials arise and the built up tears finally fall down your face.

He sees you when you’re overwhelmed and dragged down by life with no one there to lift you up.

He sees you in your loneliest moments.

And not only does He see you, He wants to be the first One you turn to. He made you. He alone can satisfy your longings and make you whole.

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How Do Stay At Home Moms Deal With Loneliness?

If you are struggling with feeling lonely as a stay at home mom please know that you’re not alone. After more than 8 years of staying home with my children I can honestly say that this has been the most joy filled, as well as the most difficult, journey of my 34 years. 

Although I have two amazingly sweet, kind, energetic and talkative children I’d be lying if I said that I no longer struggle with loneliness.

I have learned to do a few things to get myself back on track when these feelings of despair begin to creep up again. Our enemy will do everything in his power to make us feel alone, unappreciated, and defeated. It is up to us to fight him in God’s strength and remember the sweet grace we’ve been shown.

1. Take Our Eyes Off of Ourselves

Tough love isn’t always easy to receive, but I know that many times it’s the only way this strong willed momma will learn. I’ve realized that so often my feelings of stay at home mom depression and anxiety stem from me focusing on myself. I focus on my weariness, failures and inadequacies. I focus on how I’m not appreciated like I should be and how my children should be getting the hang of this maturing thing by now.

You know what? Being a mother is tiring at times. We aren’t perfect and will fail our children. We will fall short of the expectations we set for ourselves.

Each of these simply come with the territory and are to be expected.

However, our children do appreciate us. They just don’t always remember to or know how to express it. And they are still children! I should not expect them to behave perfectly all the time when I myself still struggle in the same areas.

All of that to say that when I take my eyes off of myself and put my focus back onto my Savior and serving others, everything changes. Serving and helping those God has placed in our lives brings an incredible amount of joy. He created us this way!

Related: 7 ENCOURAGING PODCASTS FOR CHRISTIAN MOMS

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2. Spend Quality Time With Your Spouse

Life gets so busy. It’s not unusual for my husband and I to go a few months in between date nights. Life distractions are not an okay reason for neglecting to spend much needed time strengthening your marriage. We need regular and frequent amounts of quality time together with our spouse.

Life doesn’t feel near as lonely with your best friend by your side. Of course it doesn’t! God designed marriage this way ;). There have been many times that simply reconnecting with my husband is all that I need to remember the blessings that surround me.

By sharing with him my parenting struggles he’s somehow able to miraculously pull me out of the emotional momma woes. His kind words of simple logic and wisdom remind me that I’m not in this alone, and that this too shall pass. 

3. For The Lonely Stay At Home Mom- Know That It’s Okay To Take A Break Sometimes

To tell you the truth I still struggle with this one. I love taking care of my children and feel as if this is my sole purpose in life right now. Spending time away from them feels… well selfish. I can’t help but feel guilty when they’re not in my care 24/7. But God, in His wisdom, knows that we all need a break sometimes. He took a break and rested on the 7^th day, remember?

Yes, our children are of utmost importance, but please know that it is okay to have some alone time or meet up with a friend every once and a while. You’ll be amazed at how much a simple chat over a cup of coffee can refresh your soul.

It’s not at all uncommon for ladies to share that this transition into full time parenting has made them feel like a depressed stay at home mom with no friends. If you are looking for ways to meet some new momma friends I’d encourage you to get plugged in to a solid Bible believing local church. Serving alongside other ladies in a similar stage of life or connecting with others through a small group setting is a sure way to create some new friendships.

There are also many opportunities to meet others through Meetup.com, a website devoted to helping locals connect through hobbies or similar life stages. There are thousands of meet up groups listed ranging from first time mom groups, playgroups for children, as well as groups for foodies, tea lovers, runners, photographers, dog lovers etc.! Basically anything and everything!

4. Take Care Of Your Health

This one might seem like an odd fit in the list, but taking care of our health is so important. Our bodies were designed to be active and fueled by nutritious food. Skipping out on these two activities on a regular basis will only add to the negative thoughts and feelings.

However, I can honestly tell you that when you are faithful to take care of and truly appreciate the health God has graciously given you, you will feel abundantly better. Whether it be going out for a walk to enjoy God’s creation or taking a class at the gym (you may even meet a new friend there!), that physical activity will do your body and brain some good. Likewise, providing our bodies with proper nutrition can make a world of difference in the way we are able to mentally and emotionally process life.

 5. Remember That You Are Not Alone

I remember feeling as though I must be doing something wrong when I initially began to feel down and isolated caring for my colicky baby. I now understand that these feelings are quite normal. If this is you, please know that you are not alone in feeling this way. And although my heart hurts for you, my goal isn’t only to empathize with you, Friend.

Please don’t miss this!

God can use this difficult phase of life to draw you closer to Him. The further along I get into my parenting journey the more I’m 100% convinced that this is why He blessed me with two very strong willed children and this is why I still feel alone at times.

God wants to use our weaknesses to magnify His strength. He wants to use our hurt to reveal to us the unconditional and undeserved love He holds for us.

Going through these trials has forced me to realize that I cannot do this on my own and am in desperate need of a Savior. And as a result of coming to Him as the trials arise, He continually gives me such peace and hope.

Our faith is strengthened most by the difficult seasons of life.

6. Pray, Study God’s Word, and Look At The Big Picture

If you’re wondering how to stop being a lonely stay at home mom, I’d encourage you to take a step back to look at the Bible as a whole. Do you realize that it is a love story? A beautifully woven together love story from the very first pages of Genesis to the end of Revelation.

It is the true story of a God whose love for the people He created is beyond comprehension. His plan all along was to dwell among us, but that plan was marred when we gave into sin. The crazy thing is that He didn’t just turn His back on us as a result of our rebellion.

Far from it!

He gently convicts and pursues us longing for the moment we realize our need for Him. Not because He needs us, but that in spite of our sinful hearts He actually wants us! He wants us to realize that we were created with a void that was only ever meant to be filled by Him.

And then… He sent His perfect sinless Son, Jesus, to earth for the sole purpose of dying the death that we deserve in order to offer us a sweet gift of grace. If we genuinely repent of our sin and believe and accept what Christ did for us then we can be assured of an eternity spent with Him in Heaven.

The original Greek meaning of the word “repent” means “to change one’s mind or purpose”. Repentance isn’t simply feeling sorry for what we’ve done or even simply asking forgiveness for it (although both of these are a natural response to it). Repentance is a change in our hearts over our sin as we realize the hurt we have caused our Maker, and are completely broken as a result.

Being A Lonely Stay At Home Mom Can Draw Us Back To Our Creator

Friend, all of that to say that yes, sometimes in life we will feel immensely lonely. During these times please look up. Look into the eyes of the One who died to be your Savior and can fill the longings that we try to fill with anything and everything that was never meant to be there.

Although you may not feel it now, your time staying home with your children is a genuine gift. Please don’t throw it away.

Take the focus off of you. Make that time with your spouse a priority. Take a break every once in a while and reach out to others for encouragement. Take care of the health you’ve been given. Remember that you’re not alone in this struggle.

And look into the eyes of your Savior.

The sweet innocence and laughter of our children brings such light into our dark world. They are such a precious gift.

Yes, motherhood can be trying. And, yes, we may still be a lonely stay at home mom at times. But let’s allow God to use these trials to shape and mold us into becoming more like His Son.